We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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