Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found the puke drawer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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