I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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