Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
