you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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