I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sarcasm needs its own font
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
