May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
