oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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