I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
