Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
