if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
