Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
