Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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