Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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