Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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