I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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