Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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