Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom