Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
