I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?