Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
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When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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