I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair