dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
