I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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