Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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