i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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