She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
