hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
