Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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