I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize