that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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