i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
