these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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