omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
