he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
