he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
