Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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