Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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