I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
