I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
