nut hugger
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Randomize
