Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
