New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
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I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.