woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets