I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...