your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.