On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
