so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
