No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
