This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
