We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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