Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
