our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
