He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
