There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
