Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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