i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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