mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
