My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
