i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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