He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
