Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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