I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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