Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
