I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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