It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
