i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
