i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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