have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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