Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
