what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
did i just pee glitter
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
