In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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