i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
