My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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