So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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