Quick, to the slutcave!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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