I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
