Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
