i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
