We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
